Day 16

Today I am strong. Waking up early sucked, but once I got some coffee in my system, I was okay (Black coffee, of course). I’m getting sick of black coffee. I decided that tomorrow I will just bring a water bottle and fill it up. Water tastes better than coffee. All I ate today was salad, (15) inside pita bread (60). Today’s total is 75 calories. I weigh 135.2 lbs.  I have finally reached goal number three. Goal number four is: 130.0 lbs. I need to stay strong tomorrow. I really need to stay strong especially on Thursdays and Fridays because those are the days that I will HAVE to eat. If I play my cards right, I won’t have to eat at my dad’s house. I have to be strong enough to look food right in the face and say NO! My stomach is killing me, it’s making me hunch over while I type this because I can’t sit up straight. I LOVE IT! It's been forever since my stomach has felt this empty, this strong. What made me break down the first time was the horrible feeling I got one morning. I couldn't breathe and I felt dizzy. Next time, I’ll just have to fight through it. It will pass once I wake up, I’m sure.

Tomorrow holds its own challenges. When I feel strong on days like today, I make plans. I say things like: tomorrow I won’t eat anything at all. The next day I eat like a freaking pig! It makes me so mad that one day, it is so easy, and then the next day, it is so hard. It is only at the end of the day that I feel like I’ve accomplished anything. If I have gone all day without eating, I am so proud of myself. Sometimes it is hard for me to remember that the hunger pains will come back. This is my cure for hunger pains: water and lots of it.

Oh crap, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go do 200 crunches. No, I have to go do 500 crunches. If I was strong enough, I’ll let you know about my good news tomorrow. Goodnight my sisters. Stay strong. I love you all!